Sunday, February 22, 2009

Too much stress and a tough training session yesterday make a relative soreness spread across my back muscles like branches reaching.

I've been spending the last few weeks doing more for myself, and harboring a tremendous amount of guilt about it despite my attempts to convince myself otherwise. These shouldn't be guilty pleasures - taking a day off from work for a fancy lunch and a museum, new sheets with a higher thread count than I've ever owned before, an abundance of red wine, praise and attention and love from the people around me. Maybe if my ALP weren't woefully behind - woefully might be an understatement at this point - and I didn't have that nagging reminder in the back of my mind about the pleasure of being responsible and paying bills and the joy of looking in the mirror when I've been eating healthfully. Maybe it's that these pleasures are just a little bit outside of my day to day life and they allow me to escape facing the occasional ugliness of day to day. If I can figure out a way to incorporate these things into my life without the running away feeling, maybe that guilt will dissipate. A little bit?

Being a grown up without a trust fund is hard. How glorious it must be to be able to always follow the path that pulls you toward it. 


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